Now,this is going to piss off the Obamanites,but I could really give two shakes of a rat’s ass about them. Here’s how things will go. Starting in September when we begin pre-planning,fabrication,and staging equipment for the first job,employment numbers will rise in this area which has been hit extremely hard with lay offs since last November. These jobs are going to cause a spike in the construction industry as far as hiring people goes,and the Obama administration will applaud themselves and try to tell the world that the stimulus is working and that he is now the Demi-God of America.

Such is not the case.

These scheduled outages were on the books and contracts awarded last year for some of these jobs,the others were awarded 2 years ago before Obama took office. When I say that I will be working all year,I mean that. But at 6 and ten week intervals,there will be anywhere from 300 to 500 people laid off and then re-hired a month later for the next job. Well,possibly that many,it depends on the size of the unit,the extent of work,and what the contract will allow to pay as far as per diem and travel pay for people coming in from out of town to work. Right now,we are working a small emergency outage that normally,when I am in charge of this job,is staffed with no less than 25 boilermakers,10 machinists,10 welders,5 riggers,5 heavy equipment operators,10 laborers,30 scaffold builders,5 electricians,and 10 laborers to use and abuse how we want to. The budget for this is just enough to staff with 12 boilermakers,no pipefitters,we have 2 welders coming,1 machinist,2 heavy equipment operators,2 riggers,12 scaffold builders,2 electricians,3 laborers. And the client wants us to cut the welders as fast as the weld jobs get finished,send the machinist on his merry way when three pumps are set,send the riggers away on a temporary lay off when a temporary elevator is finished and call them back to take it down,use 1 electrician,and demote the three laborers to hole watch and fire watch duties,and multi craft the boilermakers. We can’t cut scaffolding yet because this is an emergency job that just came up last week and barely any of the scaffolds are built. As fast as we rent equipment like air compressors or specialty tools,we get calls asking if we’re finished with them when we’ve told them we need them for the duration of the job.

At any rate,this isn’t a boon to the economy down here. It’s going to keep a few people working enough to barely keep their heads afloat,but like I said,we still have to make through this year,and this year is going to be tough. I have the same people calling me now that were calling me in November that can’t find work,and it’s a simple fact that it doesn’t matter if any company gets a tax break for hiring a new employee. Once a long term employee or short term is laid off and then rehired,that’s the new employee break because they are treated as new hires on the job as far as paperwork goes. But what a lot of these companies are doing right now,especially construction companies that I’m used to dealing with,is not hiring new people to the company,but doing this to keep long term employees with the company and long term crews and supervision together and working. This tax break for hiring new people might work at Taco Bell or an office somewhere if it applies to temps and whatever else you office workers do,but it doesn’t apply to us,the ones that keep one hand on our Bibles,the other on the steering wheel of our truck and one eye in the rear view on the shot gun in the rack in the back window.

People are still struggling for work. Unemployment offices in this country are tapped out right now,and the only answer is for the Obama administration to put a choke chain on the alternative fuel/global warming thing until that industry can produce the mass jobs that oil and coal do in this country,and until they can provide that sustenance for the American worker and give us the monies in our pockets to spend at other businesses,jobs are going to continue to decline until someone gets elected that has a much better grasp on how to run an economy when jobs are the issue of the time and not tax dollar funded health care.

Sometimes I wonder,where I’ve been

Who I am,do I fit in

and I think to myself

as I wade through the muck

I don’t really give a fuck

about you.

Sometimes I wonder,who let you live

Why didn’t the Spartans toss you off a cliff?

I’d like to see your body electric

I’d like you to have a roll on switch two

Lie down on this gurney

I’ll put the needle in your vein and sing you to sleep

Because that’s just what good friends do

Sometimes I wonder,why all this drama

like a flash it comes,

Oh yeah,Obama

If I just had notes on my palm

Like Sarah Palin

I’d have never forgotten your name

I’d like to see your body electric

I might even wet the sponge

Or maybe a trip to a Hostel

You can watch while I rip out your lungs

I’d like to see your body electric

I’d like to see you fry like a fish

I’d toast to your own death row demise

This is really my only true wish……

Ok,that’s probably not how it was sung in the movie,”Fame,” but that’s how I sing it,especially for my true friends here on lovely KCL….I love you all so much…..

So,we’re kicking ass in the medal count in the Olympics,and one of these days my favorite sport of ski jumping will belong to the USA and we’ll stand on the podium and take gold. I might an old man when that happens,but it’ll happen.

Like I said yesterday,I started classes for this NCEER rigging stuff that we have to have to rig on large pieces of metal and set them in place with larger cranes. It’s fun getting paid to build giant erector sets. I’ve been doing this for 25 years now,so what we’re going over now is just basically learning terminology that is on the test even though I know what it is. As per the test,you have to have the right terminology.

But,and I knew it would,the conversation of the day turned to economics and a room full of hatred toward Obama and what he’s done to the oil industry thus far. I’ll put it to you this way. I’ve been out of work since November. The guy training us was a crane operator that I knew back the 1980’s,and he hadn’t worked for a year before he landed this gig as a trainer. He said he barely makes enough to pay his bills when I know this guy had made serious bucks on jobs in the past because I’ve been his rigger and gotten height pay,hazard/critical lift pay,and anything else that could be tacked on to entice you to make a lift on a piece of equipment 200 feet in the air,wearing a SCBA breathing apparatus,a fully self contained acid suit,and lift off a 100,000 lb over head pipe that was leaking hydrofluoric acid all over the place.

Yes,I do that stuff,Mike Rowe is scared to death of that stuff.

But here’s what the deal is. What we have now,and what the plan this year and probably next,is a bleak plan and future for the company I work for. We have a little 19 day emergency outage that we start next week. The unit crashed last week. And that’s it until something else breaks,catches on fire,or explodes. I’m telling you,work here for contractors in the oil industry,although there are some other small jobs going in Louisiana,and California,has all but dried up,and the drying,or evaporation of jobs can be traced almost back to the day when the Dumbocrats took over the House and Senate. When Obama got the Presidency,that’s when the flood of lay offs started and as I quoted from the American Petroleum Institute forecasts,the bottom of the oil industry isn’t supposed to hit until the end of the summer. Whether it ever picks back up is debatable.

Obama says he wants to go willy nilly and build nuke plants. I know that there are at least 5 in waiting for the ok to break ground and start building them but you know what has them stopped dead in their tracks? The EPA. And the Obama appointee to lead the EPA,who placed such strict guidelines and emissions quotas on nuke plants to start with and stop them dead in their tracks,has the same things awaiting if they pass cap and trade,so what you’re seeing is actually NOTHING being built. No jobs construction wise in the industry. Just wait and see what really happens if cap and trade passes. Just remember,if you own a business,you can’t get clients if they don’t have money to spend. Remember that one.

It is the same as when I drive by these refineries and say that there is not a crane boom in the sky. That is not good,and lately,there have been NONE. NADA. Not one single,red,Manitowoc Crane boom in the sky to signal that a decent job is starting with some pay and longevity to it. This is one reason I oppose that idiot so much,and why Clinton did the exact same thing. I have photographs of tumbleweeds blowing thorough the contractor parking lots at what s now BP from back in the Clinton days,and they look the same now. Contractor lots that used to be crammed full of workers at BP,Valero,Sterling Chemicals,Marathon/Ashland,Exxon/Mobil,Shell,Lyondell,Texas PetroChem,Eqistar,Air Products,Celanese Chemicals,virtually all of these parking lots are empty.

Yet,as the numbers of new claims for unemployment goes up,and the numbers of claims that have run out goes steadily up,and the numbers of people filing extensions for unemployment goes steadily up,Obama’s people keep tossing out that they have save or created 2 million jobs. Where? In CHINA? Businesses are still closing. People are still getting pink slips daily,and we have a government with a constitutional lawyer and community organizer that is so out of touch with any person that is living from paycheck to paycheck just to make some ends meet who thinks that throwing more money at the problem is the answer. Do you know what happens when you throw a pile of shit at a wall? It stinks up the wall while it hangs there,stuck,and then slowly dribbles off it. That’s all this stimulus has done. It’s created millions of jobs in China and India,but it truly hasn’t put this great country back to work and in fact,with the Obama tax plan,has made an environment conducive to that of Clinton’s economic environment where businesses and people who plan on owning a business and being successful should open it up in a foreign country or have the office here and outsource all the work to CHINA where we,as consumers,can go buy the lead paint soaked,made in a sweat shop by a 4 year old kid merchandise and hope it doesn’t kill us after we put the crap together in the living room.

I paid for it last night,and after taking the half a pill that wifey dispensed to me when she got home,it took about an hour after eating and finally settling down to watch the Olympics for the actual pain to set in. So,I waited on her to get up and I took another half a pill last night along with two muscle relaxers and a couple of Ibuprofens. After two hours of writhing in pain in my chair and on the floor and Wifey hollering “V is for victory and not vicodin” and me hollering back that “V is for viagra,vaginas,villains,voluptuous,and VICODIN,” I finally got relaxed enough to go to sleep.

But,I woke up in the exact same amount of pain that I was in last night. I only have two muscle relaxers left out of a bottle of 60 that I got filled two weeks ago,and I think maybe what I’ve ended up doing is just substituting one for the other. But,one thing is definitely true,I’m not just sitting in my chair like a freaking drooling viked out zombie all day long. I’m starting to get out and actually do something. Which is a definite improvement over the last month.

Ya know,look,really,you can say what you want,and I don’t really care. It took somethig to wake me up and unplug me from where I was going,and it’s not something that I’m getting into here. But today is one of those days when I could sit and eat a half a bottle of pills and down some alcohol just to make this softball sized knot of pain go away in my back. That knot is very real. It’s not something that’s amplified because of the codeine. Really,all that served to do was numb me to everything else and it never actually killed or helped the pain in my back. Chronic pain is a bitch to deal with,and what makes it worse is an insensitivity to any of the drugs that you can buy or get prescibed. It’s not somethng I acquired. I’ve always been like this. I’ve always had a very high tolerance for pain and pain killers. When I say I’m hurting,it’s usually at a pain level that would put the rest of you in the hospital immediately. With me,it’s just something else to deal with like a nagging itch.

I’ve worked for so damn long with this pain lifting impact wrenches that weight upwards of 50 pounds and some 2″ and 3″ drives,climbed steel,swung hammers from 6lb to 20 lbs,and made a very hard living with my back screaming at me at every move for the last 20 years. I’ve climbed 200′ tall towers with chokers on my shoulders that weighed 90 lbs apiece. I’ve picked up shackles to pin those chokers into spreader bars that weigh as much as some of you do soaking wet. And I think one of the hardest things to wrap my brain around right now is that I can’t do that anymore. Hell,I can’t even take the chance and walk my damn little 10 pounds of bad ass chihuahua on his leash in my front yard because of this,and it fucking pisses me off to no end.

Oh well….i gotta do what I gotta do to make the money I make.

What happened with Mr. Stack,and believe me when I tell you,I have the utmost respect for his intentions and reasons,but not for the actions. Name one person in your little group of friends that has ever dealt with the IRS that hasn’t said anything that was written in Mr. Stack’s manifesto. He had a legitamate reason,twisted as it was in it’s implementation,but he had the same gripe that all of us have. Taxed,taxed,and taxed some more. He had already lost two retirements,his business,everything to audits which could go back to shoddy bookkeeping,but the man was legitamately pissed at the IRS. Like the rest of us when we get to the final lines of that 1040. There is not one thing that we touch with our hands to either use or purchase that doesn’t have a tax imposed on it by the Federal Government. The money you earn is taxed to fund payrolls and programs that you or I probably wouldn’t support at all if we knew that was where those tax dollars were going.

Hence,”Take the pound of flesh,you’ve taken everything else.”

I have been tempted at times to send in a pint of blood with my taxes thinking that might actually be the last drops I could give the IRS. There was a movie made quite a few years back,i can’t remember who starred in it whether it was James Garner or John Lithgow about a man who was about to lose his home due to taxes and the IRS taking his home. If you watch this movie,and it was a made for TV extravaganza,you can see some of the similarities coming out of this.

But now,here’s something that i don’t think is being talked about,nor is it being blogged about yet. So,hopefully I’m the first to draw this comparison. During the Clinton administration,there were several instances that led up to the climax of the Oklahoma City bombing by MacVeigh. The stand off at Ruby Ridge. The debacle at Waco with the Branch Davidians. You could sense the undercurrent running through society then,and you can almost get that same sense if you put your ear to the groundof the same thing beginning to occur. Only now,the lashing out has begun with a plane crash into a Federal Building.

To counter what GEO wrote,not all of us Texans enjoy seeing this. It’s not that we don’t sympathize with the cause and some of us are all on board with it,but as I have said,there are many different more productive ways to get this message out besides murdering innocent people. BUT,like I said last year,this kind of stuff will be on the increase throughout this administration and this will cause a backlash and retaliation as we saw at Ruby Ridge and Waco,and that truly depends on which side you take on those matters.

Me? I’m all for peaceful marches,peaceful protests,but if it takes a little social anarchy to wake the zombies up in D.C.,then have at it. But be productive with it. Don’t aim a single engine aircraft at a brick building in the hopes that it will accomplish anything other than what it has caused. Don’t go planting pipe bombs in mail boxes,or making terroristic threats of kidnappings and assainations. That is counter productive to any movement. Leave that to Osama and Achmidinijab that way we drop a M.O.A.B. on their asses. The last thing any domestic movement needs is backlash from what can easily become a tyrannical style LBJ government from the 1960’s and have the National Guard killing Americans in the streets again at the President’s orders.

Rick Sanchez on CNN,and that bald headed arrogant Ari what’s his name both eluded that this may have been a result of the TEA Party movement and that these actions would seem like something that the people involved would support based on the disruptions of town hall style meetings and such. So,in a sense,what the liberal media is trying to do is spin this in a way that can discredit the TEA party movement to confirm that it is made up of right wing nut jobs(it’s what they believe anyway when ACORN was sponsoring the same types of demonstrations during the recent campaigns and members of the liberal wing were at the head of civil unrest back in the 1960’s.) What they basically get at daily is,”it’s ok to speak out against government if you take a leftist stance,but if you are a right winger or a conservative independant,you’re just insane and anything you say should be brushed off like a flake of dandruff.” Don’t believe me? Just watch Robert Goebbels Gibb,Obama’s White House Propaganda Minister daily.

To get back to my point here,what I am saying is this is certainly not the climax of any events coming. This can only be the beginning of a cycle started during former administrations where different groups of Americans felt misrepresented by their elected officials and acted on it. Like I said,it’s about time we had marches in the streets. It’s about time we,as the electorate,spoke out against what we see going on behind the closed doors on Capitol Hill,and I’m telling you,sure as you can think I’m wrong or right,something major,and something violent is going to happen in Washington D.C. before this year is out. You can almost see this coming.

The reasons? more and more people are dissastisfied with government. More and more are acting out. There has already been one major act of violence against the Federal wing,there is a spike in violent employee/employer related crimes,there is a definite spike in robberies of financial institutions. All of this occured at the end of the Clinton administration and climaxed with the OKlahoma City bombing. It doesn’t take much to put the timeline together with the rhetoric then,and it takes much less than that to put it together now.

So,a man with axe to grind against the IRS(like none of us have that),an airplane,and a death wish made yesterday quite interesting around here. Why the fighter jets that scrambled from Ellington flew over here at tree top height is beyond me. This is a little out of the way to get to Austin,but fly over they did. Also,there were cops and Feds out around the refineries because no one really knew what was going on at first other than a plane had crashed into a Fed building in Austin. I know everyone’s first thought was,”Here we go again.”

Something funny of note,the local NBC,ABC,and Fox networks jumped right on it,but the local CBS station didn’t pre-empt The Price is Right. Even the local Mexican channels were all over the fuego in Austin. Wifey’s got me in a hurry to mail our income tax off,and I don’t know why because that’s the building that it goes to,and I don’t think the mail is running there this morning.

But,if you took a look at Facebook and the guy’s “manifesto” that he wrote,which was really a combination of a Glenn Beck show and this blog,and then actually took the time to go through the comments(hey I did that,even left one),a lot of what he wrote,most of us can agree with. Not his actions,well,not all of us can agree on carrying them out,but deep in the recesses of your minds,you know you’ve all thought about doing somethign like that to the IRS.

Tragically,the guy just snapped and went for it.

Which reminds me.

At the beginning of all these lay offs,and everything that was going on with the bail outs,and taxes being levied on cans of pop or sodas,didn’t I say that stuff like this was going to start happening again? DIDN’T I?!?!?! Just in this week alone in Houston,there have been three bank robberies and one armored car robbey. Home invasions are up,armed robberies are up nation wide,bank robberies are up,and which one of us said this was going to happen?

ME. Some of you chose to argue,but you can’t lie that I was right. It’s going to get worse as time goes on. I want you,if you can do this,picture the period of 1968-1969 again. Maybe even into the first two years of the ’70’s. The Watts riots,the National Guard patrolling the streets,it’s all happening once again,and all of this comes cyclical with the economic times and as the economy(no matter what Obama lies to us and claims),and as unemployment grows in certain sectors even though it is decreasing in others,it’s going to get worse,and I am afraid that more and more people will lash out at not only banks and other lenders,but at mortgage companies,employers(this is already happening again to),Federal branches. About the only thing you can give thanks for right now is that Janet Reno is not Attorney General.

What I’m saying is,there will be some that see this guy as a hero,and there will be the inevitable copy cats. I just pray that we are fortunate as the people in Echelon2 were this time,that no one gets hurt and another Timothy MacVeigh doesn’t come out and cause the senseless deaths of innocent people just because they have an axe to grind and think the only to swing the axe is by committing murder.

Like I said,I have classes that I need to be in come Monday morning,this had better be finished by then because I know they won’t let me chain smoke.

Oh yeah…just to start shit….The guy that crashed the plane in Austin a few hours ago? Disgruntled tax payer,domestic terrorism. Still terrorism,but a different animal than international terrorism. His little manifesto or suicide/murder note is up on Facebook or something. Grouchy old bastard. It’s fortunate that it wasn’t worse than what it is,because just a few blocks away,well….there’s a grand rotunda there. Thankfully,he didn’t get close. Hope he rots in hell,but I wonder just how the Obama administration and Eric Holder would handle this if the guy had been stopped and was alive? I know exactly how Texas would have handled it. But Obama? He’d have probably apologized….Like I said,just starting shit.

Hey,I’m feeling a little better now.

I am moving though.

So what,huh?

I haven’t had the problem with insomnia that comes with with drawls mostly because I have ativan to chomp on when I need it. The only side effect there is coma within an hour. I mean,I can feel it coming and the next thing I know,I’m waking up. It’s only a 1mg dose,but it knocks me smooth out.I think really,it’s a matter of me getting busy again because most of the pez dispensing comes out of sheer boredom. By now,I could have,and maybe should have completely rebuilt my entire house. Instead,I’ve been in a drooling,Homer Simpson, vicodin induced fog that’s a true mother fucker to come out of. I get this thought pattern going that when I start moving around and lifting things and sliding furniture around,that that damn nerve is gonna catch again and I’ll be sitting in the ER and if you think I’m gonna DENY an iv induced demoral or dilaudid drip,you’re crazy. I would welcome it with open veins,hell I’d point the vein out to the nurse that I prefer my iv’s in. Sometimes I wish I had a plug in like they had in the Matrix movies in the back of my head for one. One good shot of dilaudid and I think you can actually see the matrix anyway. If I had the money,I would be some doctor’s ELVIS,but not Michael Jackson,I don’t need anesthesia to sleep. Just Ativan.

I got a call yesterday from the HR guy,I’m supposed to be at the training center we have for some more national cert. classes for a job we have. What the hell,if they’re gonna pay for it,I’ll be happy to take the classes just to get it on my card and resume’ and then take my happy ass to work for someone else. It’s pretty funny now,and a bunch of us had talked about this years ago,something we’ve been doing for years now you have to take a test and get certified to work your craft and there’s people that I know that can’t pass these written tests that have been heavy equipment operators and riggers for longer than I have and I learned from these guys. We take classes from the companies that make these cranes,chokers,shackles,and spreader bars as per the company specs and you get into these national tests and what they tell you in these classes is completely opposite of what the manufacturers tell you. Different terminology,everything. It’s funny. But,like I said,they want to pay for it(because the cost is 3,500 bucks for the classes and test) I’ll let them.

So,onward we go. The future’s so bright,someone please block out the sun.

When I said I wanted to kill this journal,this wasn’t the only thing I wanted to kill. NO,not myself,so don’t even go there. I love myself too damn much,and there’s no way that I could do that and still look man pretty. Besides,Alexander McQueen(emphasis on QUEEN) stole my thunder on that one.That’s bad,but so what? My wife has one of his extremely overpriced purses that looks a whole lot like on I saw for $9.99 at Wal-Mart. I have a friend who’s wife hand makes purses out of anything you want. So,last Febuary,as an anniversary/valentine’s day gift,I ordered her a purse,and knowing my wife’s affinity for real cowboys,I ordered it up out of a worn out pair of Wrangler jeans complete with a leather belt and rodeo buckle.,and the inside liner was red flannel long johns with the ass flap. It had everything one of your average,run of the mill Dooney and Burke coach bags has as far as pockets go. She use it once and put it in a closet. That’s where I started hiding my vicodin stash at. I might as well put the damn thing to use while it was sitting there doing nothing,right?

So,night before last,I went and met my two best friends at this place called,Don Guido’s in NASA to talk about,ok BITCH about work and the lack thereof. After 6 pints of Guinness,it was time for me to leave. I was teetering on that point where it’s time to call a freaking cab if I have one more. I know I ate 5 bowls of chips and I don’t know how much of this lava fired salsa they have there. But the bar maid was in awe at me as I chugged that stuff down as fast as the beer was going down. I think there’s a salsa challenge there,and Adam Richmond would have been proud,so right now the debate is whether or not it’s the salsa,or the withdrawls from vicodin that has me running back and forth to the bathroom now.

But I almost lost a very good friend that night because he chose to act like an asshole. Misery loves company,and all three of us are miserable,and we had some good company until TA started acting like a moron. Oh,and if you’re wondering about the driving while intoxicated thing,I was purposefully behind a Glaveston County Sherriff all the way home,and it’s a 25 mile drive. I know he got tired of my headlights beaming into his car,but I wasn’t getting in front of him. I can drink 6 pints of beer with dinner. So,that’s nothing. I wouldn’t have passed a breathalyzer,but I would have passed the field sobriety tests. Now,my moronic,wanting to act like an ass buddy,I could care less what happened to him. He pissed me off.

So,day 5. I think I’ve almost gotten through this,but the craving is definitely there. Yes,I’ve gotten to the point where I am searching around the house looking for a stray pill. There’s got to be one somewhere.

what this makes me feel like inside,and I can’t explain it,but it’s like I have let down a lot of people that look to me as being some kind of stability,and on the outside,maybe I was. On the inside,not so much. And I’ve narrowed it down as to why I have been taking so much of that crap. First,I LIKED it. Plain and simple. I wouldn’t have taken it if I didn’t like it. Second,it numbed me to a lot of things. EVERYTHING. Everything that was wrong in my marriage,what was going wrong with Metalhead,Gamerboy,work,it numbed that. It took away my instinct to fight tooth and nail and believe me if it hadn’t,I’d be in jail right now for beating someone to death in my driveway. It also numbed,and how can I say this,it took time,but it numbed a sex drive in me that has been in complete over drive since I was 12 years old. It didn’t just numb it,it KILLED it. Like I said,I can feel the neuroreceptors slowly reconnecting and this morning I woke up with an erection for the first time in three years. Wasn’t much of one,but it was something. I almost took a picture of it,but that’s just really the heighth of narcissism. That’s like watching youself masturbating in the mirror,and if that gets you off,that’s cool,I’m all of for that. I never realized that would happen because,like I said,I used to be able to pop a vicodin,and it was like taking a viagra for me. I could go all night long. Eventually,that went away. Who would I have sent that picture to anyway,myself? Hey,here’s a picture of your own dick. That ain’t right.

I’m scared to eat anything,because I know it’s just going to make a u-turn and I’m going to see it again. Wifey,God bless her,has been more than supportive of me. She’s kind of stood off to the side and if I pass out in my chair,she just let’s me sleep. I love that woman. More and more every day. Truthfully,for all i wrote about her taking 12 steps out the door a couple of weeks ago,she was right. I had/have a problem. But it’s a two fold thing,and I know me. I’ll transfer this onto something else,and that’s where another problem might lay in waiting. But I’ll deal with that as it comes. I’ve been doing some looking into the effects of long term codeine use on the brain. I was getting into the medium stages of it,which equal almost complete senility at the far end of the spectrum.

One positive,I have barely watched any news channel at all.

I got asked in a pm why am I choosing to post this here? Well,a lot of us have these same problems. I always said,I’m not above anyone. Never claimed to be. So,this is where it’s going to get put down at. There was only one perfect man,and he walked on water. I can’t do that,and neither can you.

It’s become really hard to explain to drug testing labs when you go for pre-employment and random drug tests with a prescription profile that shows you’re getting a bottle of vicodin and a bottle of somas once a week,and that crap continually shows up in UA’s and hair follicle tests. It would be one thing if it’s just a one time thign,but on a continual basis,you have to give a reason why,then you have to furnish a doctor’s release,and then go see the company doctor to release you to go to work for that company,and they tend to shy away from you especially with a persistent back in jury and nerve problem like I have. If I turn the wrong way with something in my hands,I’m going down,and I’m not getting back up. Trust me,I ran a job where I had to have my safety supervisor physically carry me from my print shack to the equipment we were working on for a week until my back line up and that was just from unloading an ice chest.

Is quitting going to make my back better? No. The only cure for that is surgery,which can go two ways with the problem that I have. I can either be off of work for three weeks and be fine,or I can be off for nine months and have to learn how to walk again and all that. That’s scary. For the past few yars,I’ve chosen just to eat pills and deal with the pain that really doesn’t help. The only thing that truly helps is to remain motionless. But you can’t do that.

So,today is day 4. I have made best friends with the toilet in my house. Everything I eat brings on wave after wave of nausea. I changed pants 3 times yesterday. It feels like my skin is trying to crawl off my body and leave. I can feel things inside my head that feel like small electric shocks going off. My eyes blur and cross,I am freezing all the time,and the only thing that makes me feel better is to sleep. I’ve been assured that I’m getting into the worst of it,and if I can make it through this,I can do it. I’ve got a good support group of friends,and I’ve my rock,WIFEY,that has been down for me since the day I met her. I love that woman,and the things I’ve done and said,I don’t know why she still loves me.

This doctor I was seeing for my back,although I’m sure he meant well at first,which the first mission was to get me out of pain,served nothing more than to get me hooked on this crap,and it fed right into my addictive personality. If you’re gonna give me the pills,I will take them,and can I have more? The need and want for them is slowly going away. But it’s just an automatic thing that my brain receptors have gotten used to is having that infusion of numbing from the codeine every morning,noon and night. It would be the same if I was an alcoholic. It’s not me that has to have it,it’s my body that has to have it.

But I’m making it. I’m going to make it.